Long distance heartbreak – (Letting him go)

If you’re like me, then you’re the kind of person that wears your heart on a sleeve. The problem with wearing your heart on a sleeve is that when that heart breaks, it breaks into a million pieces and shatters your soul. In the dictionary heartbreak is defined as an overwhelming distress. it is said that every human being will experience heartbreak at least once in their lives, this is about my experience with heartbreak and how I overcame it, the interesting thing is all of this happened while we were 9,643 miles apart.

I met this guy when I was 19 years old, the first time I saw him I was immediately drawn to him, it was strange, I had never experienced that with someone before, that instant pull. He was tall, not too bad on the eyes and I loved the sound of his voice.  I got to interact with him for a bit, but we never got too close to each other because he was an LDS missionary. For those of you who don’t know, a missionary is a young man or woman who leaves their home for a period of 2 years (18 months for women), to go and teach the gospel all around the world. During their time on the mission field missionaries are not allowed to date, or even get too close to people of the opposite sex. Unfortunately during his time in Cape Town we clicked and feelings began to develop. I decided to ignore those feelings because I had a boyfriend at the time and it was the right thing to do. A few months went by, he eventually left Cape Town and life continued. A year after he leaves we start to email each other and he tells me that his mission is coming to an end in 4 months and when he returns home, he would like to pursue a relationship with me. I tried to not get my hopes up, but those feelings that I had felt a year ago started to resurface, and I started counting down the days until we could be together. Finally after a long 4 month countdown he was home and we started dating (home for him was Utah).

I had never been in a long distance relationship before and honestly I didn’t want to be because I had never seen one work. In the beginning I started to have doubts and I almost ended things a few times, but I could never find the strength to do it. He reassured me that he wanted to be with me and only me. I found myself falling in love with him head first. Things moved very quickly for us, I told him that I couldn’t  do the long distance thing forever, it’s not something that I wanted, but he told me that it wouldn’t be for too long because he wanted us to get married as soon as possible. I couldn’t believe it, it had always been a dream of mine to get married, even though we barely knew each other I believed we could make it work. We dated for a period of 5 months, 5 amazing months. You are probably wondering how 5 months apart from the one you love can be amazing, well he honestly made it feel like we were not apart, we texted each other 24/7, we video chatted every Sunday and he would send me lovely messages proclaiming his undying love for me. download   

I met his family via video chat I felt like I was with him even though I wasn’t. We did all the things that couples do, we changed our statuses on Facebook to – in a relationship. We would post and tag each other, I felt so special and lucky. He even made me find out my ring size so that he could get me an engagement ring. We started planning our wedding and lives together. In order for our dreams to become reality we had to be together ofcorse, so we applied for a fiance visa. Even though we didn’t have everything figured out, we were finally going to get our happily ever after. He made all my doubts go away, I felt so secure with him, I trusted him 100% we were practically engaged and everyone knew it. Unfortunately not all stories have a happy ending. He was in the marines so there was a time when he had to go away for 2 weeks which meant that we wouldn’t be able to communicate with each other much, the time difference and his schedule didn’t work in our favor. At the end of the 2 week period I was so excited that he was going home and we could go back to our normal communication routine. He was exited too, but not because he missed me, but because he had other news to share with me-he was seeing someone else and he wanted us to take a break. I remember that night like it was yesterday, I couldn’t believe my eyes, it was like a bomb had been dropped. He was breaking up with me.. but he can’t break up with me!, were getting married, we made so many plans, he said he loved me, I trusted him, I love this man, I was ready to leave my home and family just to be with him, this isn’t happening!!. All of these thoughts rushed through my head and then some! I felt so weak, I started shaking and the tears started rolling down my face – he was leaving me. I couldn’t sleep that night, I tossed and turned hoping that in the morning he would tell me that this is some bad joke and that he loves me. That didn’t happen. He left me for another girl. He betrayed my trust. post 2

The one thing I couldn’t comprehend is how he could plan a life with me but at the same time plan a life with someone else. I had never felt so betrayed and hurt before in my entire life. I couldn’t eat, I was a mess. I would look forward to going to sleep at night so that I wouldn’t have to feel the pain that I was feeling. I started going crazy, trying to figure out ways to get him back, trying to come up with money so that I could get a visa and plane ticket to Utah -‘‘If only we could see each other he would realize that he was making a big mistake’’. I started stalking his social media pages, and checking my phone constantly to see if he had finally come back to me, but what killed me the most was the fact that we never really had a chance. We never got to hold hands before, or even go on a date because we lived in different counties. I would comfort myself by convincing myself that he just needed some time, that he would get whatever bad phase he was in out of his system, but he never did…he never came back to me. He moved on almost immediately without any thought of the damage he had done.

Sometimes I think and ask myself if he meant all the things he has said to me, all the promised he made. How does a human being totally disregard another’s feelings?. Until this day I have not received an apology from him and I realize that that’s okay. Some say he will regret what he did and ask for a second chance, others say that I should just forget about him, that it wasn’t meant to be. I thought there was something wrong with me, I thought that if I had done things differently we would be happily married by now. It took some time, but I had to wake up and face reality. I had to let him go, and move on.

These are some of the things that helped me heal and move on, hopefully they will help you:

  1. There is no specific time frame to letting go of your ex – its okay to move at your own pace. Start with little things like deleting his number, unfriending him on Facebook, or deleting pictures of him, or the two of you together (that was my first step)
  2. It is not your fault that he cheated or deceived you, there is nothing wrong with you.
  3. You deserve better, you are smart, beautiful and kind. Somewhere out there is a man who is going to love you more than you can even begin to imagine. A man who will love, protect you and treat you like the queen you are. Never settle for second best.
  4. Find things that you enjoy doing to keep you busy and take your mind off of him. It can be anything from jogging, to working or even hanging out with friends.
  5. Let him go so that you can be happy. You can’t see it now, but it is probably for the best. Sometimes God puts people in your life so that you can learn a valuable lesson from them.

Breakups are hard, and the healing process is even harder but it is achievable. Remember your worth. It will be Okay. 

‘‘Once you realize that you deserve better, letting go will be the best decision ever’’.

6 thoughts on “Long distance heartbreak – (Letting him go)

  1. You’re really brave for sharing your story, my dear. I felt the pain while reading it since I went through the same. I also felt hope & joy when I read the end that we deserve better. Loving ourselves is the first step to healing.

    Liked by 1 person

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